Language of Negotiation
Each person has internal voices that guide the individual. These voices play different roles in conflict/disciplinary situations.
Child
Parent
Adult
|
Defensive, victimized, emotional, whining, losing attitude, strongly negative nonverbal Authoritative, directive, judgemental, evaluative, win-lose mentality, demanding, punitive, sometimes threatening
Not judgmental, free of negative nonverbals, factual, often in question format, atttitude of win-win |
The adult voice allows for negotiation and examination of issues in a non-threatening way. There are several obstacles to effective negotiation for educators and students from poverty:
- Students in poverty often parent themselves (and younger siblings). They develop the child and the parent voice, but often lack the adult voice.
- In disciplinary situations, educators tend to use the parent voice.
- When the parent voice is used with students who are already a parent, the student often becomes angry. This anger is based on fear. In response to the educator's parent voice, the student can use the child voice or the parent voice in return. The use of the child voice makes the student feel helpless and at the mercy of the adult. Students who choose to use the parent voice can come across as sarcastic which could lead to more trouble.
In order for students from poverty to develop an adult voice, the teacher needs to directly teach the language of negotiation. Students should explicitly be taught the idea of an adult voice and teach students phrases that they can use to negotiate. At first, it will be awkward and funny for students to practice using the adult voice, but slowly students will internalize their learning and be able to use the adult voice in conflict situations.